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At a certain period of his life (usually, grievous to say, a successful period), a man may suddenly feel it Within His Power to confess that he cheated on his final exams at college, he may even choose to reveal that between the ages of twenty-two and twenty-four he was sexually impotent, but these gallant confessions in themselves are no guarantee that well find out whether he once got piqued at his pet hamster and stepped on its head

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J Edgar Hoover, what a fuckhead he was

I'd consider returning them except for how far away the closest IKEA is and I'd still be out $50 shipping